The Aurit Center for Divorce Mediation

Every couple faces hard talks, and conversations about in-laws and extended family can be the toughest of all. It's a common feeling to be stuck in the middle between your spouse and your family or your spouse and their family. But you don't have to feel that way. Your marriage is a team, and this article is your guide to navigating these conversations.

The reason these talks are so difficult is simple: when you criticize your partner's family, they often hear it as a criticism of themselves. Their identity and values are often deeply tied to their family. This can cause them to become defensive right away, which makes a good conversation nearly impossible.

The key is to change your focus. Instead of it being "me versus them," you must make it about "us versus the problem."

It Starts with "Us"

Why a United Front is Key

Before you use any communication techniques, you and your partner must be a team. A "united front" is a way of protecting your relationship and is "crucial for maintaining consistency and clarity". This means you agree on how you will handle family issues

Once you both agree on how to handle family issues, you can talk with extended family together - if you decide that's the best course of action. Working as a team is at the core of resolving family issues cooperatively with your spouse.

A unified front is more than just a way to react to problems; it's a way to keep your relationship strong for the long run. Research suggests that without clear boundaries and a united front, a marriage can be at risk. By standing together, you and your partner send a clear message: your marriage is the most important team of all.

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